Hitting the wall - Aria MacDonald

Hitting the wall

It finally happened, it all came to a head and there were tears, Aria’s and mine. What a dark moment or moments rather.

Hamish left for the night. It had been a difficult day and they had made very little progress on bringing Aria’s sodium down. It started the day at 173 and ended at 171. The previous night it had dropped 10 points.

And then they decided we weren’t allowed to give Aria anymore drink. Of course she was then begging me and crying for water ‘please mummy please water please’ and it was truly awful. How do you say no to your little girl when she is begging you for the vital ingredient of human life :cry:

The Docs were in the room on rounds and could see what was going on but decided to still tell me I couldn’t give her water. So of course I burst into tears and demanded to know why I couldn’t give her water and how the heck they expected me to cope with Aria and how miserable she is. This was in a room with 4 other PICU kids and their parents who probably thought I was nuts. Obviously the docs wanted to wrap up the public show and pretty much said ‘yes it sucks but it is best for Aria’

Anyway the charge nurse came back later and said that the consultant wanted to talk with me again and of course I said No way, not interested!!! I finally got Aria back to sleep and distracted from the water (all liquid hidden by now) and walked out the room to find a quiet place to have a cry and alone time. The consultant approached me and said ‘please lets talk’. So I said yes but I don’t really want to (so teenager of me I know!) So she talked and just repeated she was understanding etc etc and how the situation was so terrible because the hospital caused it and how we must not be trusting and how hard it is to be in PICU (it is a horrible place) and of course was a awful horrible yucky time Aria is having and how hard that it. ANYWAY, it was a helpful conversation and I felt better for it and I shouldn’t of been so pig headed.

When I got back to the room Aria was awake but better and there wasn’t a word about water or drink the rest of the evening. Amazing considering she was begging everyone who came in the room for water and had drunk over 8 litres of saline during the day.

As Aria and I had sat crying, her for water, me for her, I just begged God for relief. It came in the form of a more talking with the people who I didn’t want to talk to, how strange! And Aria’s thirst for water being no more which I never believed could happen at that moment.

It was a hideous night and I am glad it is over but lessons learnt all around.

4 Responses to “Hitting the wall”

  1. Brenda says:

    Anita, I really am so sorry you are having to go thro all of this.. BUT good on you for having a melt down, they can be very therapeutic
    IF she isn’t allowed water to drink still later today, then try to get them to let you give her a wee bit of ice in a gauze swab to suck on.. that will give relief with only mini mls of water.
    thank you for updating, you have so much on your mind right now.. I will spend the night praying for Aria, as my pump seems to be extra noisy tonight so sleep seems to evade at this house also!!

  2. Jodee Reid says:

    I know it is SHITTY! Your post brings me back to so many times when Matisse was denied the one little thing she actually enjoyed – it is so hard.
    Don’t feel guilty about your melt down – that is what brings you back up after all there is no where else to go once you hit rock bottom except up. The good doctors and nurses understand that it is the situation that you are upset about and hopefully they learn not to take it personally.
    Hang in there you are doing a great job and just think about the future, hopefully this will move everyone a little faster to get you over here.

  3. Grandad David says:

    Nobody would ever consider you to be “nuts” for looking out for your daughter. Now you know how I feel about you. “Love you Anita!” Beats me how you are coping, apart from the obvious answer. I don’t know how I would do it, until I am in the same situation. At the moment, I’m in awe of the strength of my own daughter.

  4. Natalie and Cody says:

    I lost it on a few occasions spectactularly on the ward when Cody was in Hospital so don’t feel bad – I got a bit of a reputation for it. Its a highly stressful situation and you are a great Mum who is dealing with an extremely harsh journey thru fire

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“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”- Jeremiah 29:11