Progress….?
Ooops- forgot to say Nicoleena is Asher’s made up name for the baby, it wasn’t based on any knowledge of gender 😉
Recently I have felt a sense of progress in our life. We are now past that horrible raw crazy grief yuck. Yes- I know- very well expressed by me. Honestly, never in my life have I thought I was going crazy until that period in my life. But hey- we just lost our 5 year old daughter, it is to be expected.
For a time I felt like I could see a little light at the end of the tunnel, it was exciting and encouraging. It is still there but events of recent weeks definitely caused it to be blocked out for a time. Setbacks I guess are just part of life. I wonder if I got too complacent. I remember thinking at a couple of church services I went to that I didn’t cry or even need to bite my lip hard to distract myself. I was so pleased. What do you know? Nek minnit (kiwi joke-sorry US people) bawling at church on Sunday and not that discreet damp eyes, little sniffs crying either. Sigh.
Yesterday, while hunting for some christmas decorations we brought back from Omaha, I opened Aria’s suitcase from Omaha. Most of her stuff is used by Asher except her clothes. Almost the right size for him but totally the wrong colour. What are we supposed to do with them? No clues or ideas. We brought some summer clothes for her which went unworn, thankfully I could give those away because they didn’t hold any emotion. But all her other clothes do, particularly her hospital gowns, which she loved and lived in (even at home, see pic).
Anyway. If you have a moment you can watch this video from Asher. There is some news in there that is exciting and hopeful.
Ooops- forgot to say Nicoleena is Asher’s made up name for the baby, it wasn’t based on any knowledge of gender 😉
70 Responses to “Progress….?”
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# 8 Dec at 6:20 am
Praising God with you! And praying for your hearts, as they continue to mend.
# 8 Dec at 7:43 am
God’s blessing on you and your new child. What a gift from the Lord!
# 8 Dec at 9:59 pm
What wonderful news – so pleased that you have something special to look forward to. Best wishes for a Happy Christmas – I know it will be a tough one for you.
xxAmanda
# 9 Dec at 3:08 am
Well that did it,I’m having a little weep now,for joy that is,how wonderfull.May your beautifull family have a truly blessed xmas,ps,love the photo of Aria and the xmas tree.Glad Asher likes sushi YUM,xxxxxxxx 🙂
# 9 Dec at 8:09 am
Congratulations on the wonderful news. You guys all remain in our thoughts and prayers. I had a meeting at the Lied Center yesterday and I was washed over with the memories. I was telling everyone there about precious Aria! We are so very happy about the new baby coming! You must keep up posted on all the news!!! How you are feeling and all that! God Bless your family and wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas!
# 10 Dec at 1:16 pm
Some days it must be bittersweet, I know, but this will give you another reason (besides Asher!)to look forward to a future of hope and promise. I can imagine that Christmas this year will be pretty tough at times…next year’s might be a bit better!
Blessings to you all.
Postscript thought: Hamish needs some blokes to hang with – I assume he has some, but just thought to mention it anyway. “Bloke time” can make a difference.
# 13 Dec at 3:32 pm
That’s awesome news, congrats!!!
# 13 Dec at 6:10 pm
Lovely, lovely news! Congrats and more hugs 🙂
# 13 Dec at 6:38 pm
Congratulations from my husband and I! 🙂
# 17 Dec at 3:03 pm
Congratulations on your news. The love that comes with a new baby can be very powerful amidst grief. My daughter would be 14 now and I can’t imagine there will ever be a day that I don’t just want my baby back. The grief that comes with the loss of a child is something that those who have not experienced this will never understand the immensity of (and I am happy for them that they do not), it is a unique ‘club’ that I would not wish anyone to join. However, having said that, and I never ever thought I would say this… it took me ten years to see that it also gave me a special gift.That is not to say I would not swap it for my daughter back in a heart beat. My experience with this grief has been nothing like I would have imagined. Your experience will be unique to you and no one can say what that will be. Grief does not follow a plan or fit into a box. I had another daughter after I lost mine and one day when she was about 8 she asked me if she was my “replacement baby”. I guess she had heard me talking to someone about how I had been feeling during the initial grief and my overwhelming desire to have another baby. I was so shocked by her question (although I guess I shouldn’t have been) I took in a sharp breath. My answer to her was that I did want another baby to love, but boy how lucky was I that I got her. My love to all family, those that are with you and those that are not.
# 17 Dec at 3:23 pm
I have just watched Attitude, Anita, Hamish and Asher. It reminded me all over again what an amazing and beautiful little girl Aria was – and what amazing and brave parents she had. I have watched Aria’s journey on this site and on Attitude and remain in awe of you all. I too travelled a similar journey – my wee girl was eight when she died – and I was seven months pregnant so I know your new baby will bring you joy and laughter. You are strong people, and your faith is strong, and these things will get you through. We never forget our ‘lost’ children, but the pain dulls with time. We can never replace our lost children, but we love our new children for who they are. My love and congratulations on the new baby, and wish you all joy, peace and contentment at Christmas.
# 21 Dec at 3:36 pm
Congratulations! So happy for the gift that God has given you in the midst of your grief.
# 23 Dec at 8:34 pm
So happy for your wonderful News, I praying for you over the festive seasons God Bless you xxx
# 24 Dec at 8:54 am
Merry Christmas and congrats on your wonderful news! I know your little sweetie Aria is watching over her family in bliss <3 best wishes for the new year <3
# 26 Dec at 2:31 am
What a nice Christmas dinner we had at your place, and Christmas wouldnt be Christmas without someone getting hurt like the uncle nearly decapitating the nephews with his cuzzies’ new remote control helicopter (So so so sorry Ashie Bashie). Got home filled with the nausea from my gluttony-literally, I dont think I’ve had cockles, kina and shrimp mixed with russian fudge and pineapple shortcake before lol. love you guys xoxo
# 27 Dec at 2:04 am
So lovely that you have some special news to share. Just reading what you said about Aria’s clothes, I thought I would pass on this link. A friend of mine who lost a child to cancer creates beautiful memory bears out of treasured clothes you can’t bring yourself to part with. I know they have brought comfort to a lot of other parents, siblings and family. http://www.lovingmemorybears.co.nz/
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