News - Aria MacDonald

We are still here!

Our little family just got back from taking a holiday from taking a break.  We spent about 5 days in the beautiful Coromandel, Hahei to be exact.  So beautiful!  Of course technically it is winter.  But I now know that winter in Auckland really isn’t winter at all.  Real winter is blizzards and -30 C degrees!!

We holidayed with our nephews and Hamish’s sister and her husband.  The days were lively with 4 boys and all that that entails and the nights were filled with lots of talking, card playing and eating a bit to much yummy NZ chocolate.

We came back feeling refreshed and a feeling a bit better.

Right now we are trying to find a house back closer to town.  It is a frustrating job but we are trying to remember God will provide.  I feel guilty that I stress about this given how much God has done for us but after the 3rd phone call to a rude rental agent one can get discouraged.

Right now there are a billion things to post about.

Last night we watched a little video of Aria for the first time since she died.  We heard her voice and listened to her make a little joke and saw her smile.  We miss her so much.  I wished she was here.  Asher asked me today ‘Is Aria going to come back to the world and play playdoh with me?’  I wish Ashie, I wish.  But she is much happier in heaven.

Grief is a weird thing.  I really have no idea what is going on.  I just so desperately want to be normal and have a normal life yet I am reminded daily that that really is not a reality.  I really really really can’t believe Aria isn’t here anymore and I really don’t want any part of this grief business.  But again- that is not our reality.

I feel like walking on egg shells.  Little things completely rattle me in unexpected ways.  Someone rushed past me in the shops today and didn’t say excuse me (I need to remember I am not in the US anymore!)  and for some reason I felt really shaken- isn’t that silly??

Most days I feel like I have to put on this brave face and be happy.  I don’t want to talk about Aria’s passing all the time with people but it does hurt when people don’t ask how we are doing.  And I don’t want to stop talking about Aria either.

I see things right now as a big ball of messy purple and black yarn.  A big mess that is going to take me years to unravel.  Separating beautiful purple yarn of Aria’s memory and the wonderful girl she was from the ugly black memories of dark hospital days and her death.  Her journey was so full of pain and right now the memories are so bad.  Which is so unfair to her because she was such a shining light thru the whole thing and I don’t regret a second of it.  To know her life was to know the strength of her character and how amazing she was.  God gave her a unique personality to cope with her struggle.

Thank you again for your love and support.  We really appreciate it.

Hamish and I took a weeks break in Red Beach.  One week of sleeping in and no responsibility, really helpful.

Asher joined us on Wednesday after we picked him up from preschool.  It is great to have him back in our daily lives but it has it’s challenges too.  Try explaining to a 3 year old his sister isn’t coming back.

He was walking down the stairs at preschool and he said ‘Aria can’t walk down these stairs, I will have to carry her’ and  ’Aria should come to preschool with me, she would have fun’.  Even as I type these words my eyes fill with tears.  It was out of the blue and unexpected.  Hamish explained that Aria can walk down stairs now cause she is healed in heaven with Jesus and she doesn’t need to go to preschool to learn things.

Later that night Asher asked me were Aria was.  I said in heaven with God and that we won’t see her again which makes Mummy and Daddy and our family sad.

Every day she comes up in conversation.  We made pancakes this morning and Asher decided Aria should have the first one.

It is bittersweet.  We love it that he talks about her and we would never discourage him or get upset when he does.  But it is super heartbreaking having to tell your son his sister isn’t here almost everyday.

Today we brought him a little globe because he is very interested in NZ and the USA and countries.  He calls Omaha home and refers to things ‘at home’.  We asked him where Aria was and he pointed to Japan!  We are trying to get a sense if he understands but we are thinking he doesn’t.  Which I fine because most days I don’t understand how someone you love so much can be with you one day and gone the next.  Death is so wrong and so unnatural.  Thank you Jesus for defeating it!  We claim your promise for our family.

(A few people have asked for our address. We are currently without fixed address but anything you might want to send us can be sent to:
Hamish and Anita MacDonald
c/o 15b Laurie Avenue
Papakura
Auckland
2110

Hi everyone.

Not entirely sure what to say except we are undecided about what to do with this blog.  Right now we are going to keep it going and perhaps share the mysterious and difficult grieving process.

Hamish and I arrived back to NZ and were excited to connect with friends and get back into life.  Well actually I was excited and a few people said ‘aren’t you going to take a break?’ To which I said ‘Nah I am fine- lets get on with it’  Unfortunately that all can crashing down last week most unexpectedly and I am now typing this blog post from the beautiful and completely amazing Red Beach.  The KIDS foundation, who have supported us so generously, have a holiday home there and so here we are.

So to all the people who we had to cancel with last week and to all the people ready and waiting to meet up with us- Thank you!  But we just need more time.  We were so happy to see lots of people at Aria’s funeral from all realms of life, new friends, old friends, work friends, school friends.  We want to see you and we need to see you but we just need more time.

Life is suddenly strange and emotional.  We spent 5 years carefully managing our emotions and making sensible decisions.  Now I can’t even decide what to have for dinner.  Much less decide what to do with our house in Manurewa or how to manage this new life.

We are grieving for our daughter whom we miss desperately.  We are grieving for our friends in Omaha who we miss.  We are grieving the loss of relationship from the medical staff whom we grew to love and trust (both countries have been hugely supportive but we know things are different now and what does that mean?)  We are experiencing culture shock.  We are establishing new bonds with family and friends or at least trying too.

We haven’t lost faith in God but it is taking a huge beating.  We are learning to view God for who HE is not thru the eyes of parents whose child is now heaven side.  He will overcome, not worry.

Aria was an amazing girl.  Trying to unravel her from this journey has been difficult.  I don’t feel like we have done a great job at that.  But we will think of ways to communicate and pay tribute to her fight in time.  There is more to come.

I said this at the funeral and I will say it again- please reach out to us.  Please don’t just read this and forget about us or Aria.  Some will I guess and that it part of putting your life on the internet for all to read, it is easy to read this and forget we are real people.  But most won’t and for everything past and present, thank you.

Thank you to all who came to Aria’s service yesterday and for all who watched online.

Thank you to all the people that contributed to make it happen, it was an amazing service.

Thanks for all the beautiful flowers that were sent and for all the support.

Stuff article here which I have only watched without the sound.  Tough.

We are rebuilding our lives, so very hard.  Words fail.

We love you Aria.

Hello to everyone from New Zealand.

Aria’s service is tomorrow, Friday 1st July at 10am at St Andrews Presbyterian Church in Manurewa (150 Great South Road, parking available across the road behind the shops).

To those in another part of the country or the world, Aria’s service will be available for viewing on the internet HERE or on Aria’s Facebook page. (Thanks to Jono for sorting this out, you’re a champion).

Just a reminder if your coming to please wear purple, pink or orange-Aria’s fave colours.

Please know this will be a kid friendly service. We have a Kids Corner set up in the service were kids can colour a banner for Aria and draw pictures. This will be staffed with supervisors. Parents, your kids are welcome to help themselves to stickers and place them on Aria’s box towards the end of the service.

Please stay for refreshments and visit with us. Maybe there might be a lot of people, not sure. But please know we are approachable and wanting to talk, there just might be a queue.

Music. This church service will be different than normal and there will be singing. Those who know Jesus and are used to this please please please sing loud for us!!! Those who aren’t so used it just listen and enjoy, join in or not, it is ok to do whatever you want.

Dress- Hamish is wearing a tie and I am wearing a dress. Purple!! We want to do this for ourselves but beside our request of colour choices please wear what is comfortable.

Hope to see a bunch of you there and please record some thoughts or memories for us on the pieces of paper that will be available before and after the service.

Please pray for the day tomorrow that God will be glorified, His gospel preached and Aria’s life remembered for the amazing journey that it was and Aria as the amazing girl she was.

Also pray for our adjustment back to New Zealand and for our life here as it begins anew.

See you tomorrow.

Aria’s Celebration Service will be
10am Friday the 1st of July 2011
St Andrews Presbyterian Church 150 Great South Road Manurewa
Please wear purple, pink or orange-Aria’s fave colours.  Sorry to the blokes, you are going to have to be creative
If you can help with sound, videoing, slide show please contact Tony Bracefield.
Children- please know this will be a kid friendly service.  We have a Kids Corner set up in the service were kids can colour a banner for Aria and draw pictures.  This will be staffed with supervisors.  Parents, your kids are welcome to help themselves to stickers and place them on Aria’s box at the end (sorry not coping with the other words to describe this)

Please stay for refreshments and visit with us.  Maybe there might be a lot of people, not sure.  But please know we are approachable and wanting to talk, there just might be a queue.

Music.  This church service will be different than normal and there will be singing.  Those who know Jesus and are used to this please please please sing loud for us!!!  Those who aren’t so used it just listen and enjoy, join in or not, it is ok to do whatever you want.

Anyway wanting to share a memory, particularly US people, about Aria please email Peter Boyd petethepastor (at) hotmail(Dot)com. Once I have his permission I will post his email or search for him on Facebook.

Dress- Hamish is wearing a tie and I am wearing a dress.  Purple!!  We want to do this for ourselves but beside our request of colour choices please wear what is comfortable.  Smart casual, I guess, a phrase that isn’t used in the US we learnt!

Please pray for us and our family, our hearts are heavy and grieving.
Most of all- please come on Friday!  It would mean a lot.

Update:

Aria’s service will be streamed live on the internet for those unable to be there.
There is a link to the live stream (Ustream Live) on the left column of Aria’s Facebook page.

Aria’s Celebration Service will be

10am Friday the 1st of July 2011

St Andrews Presbyterian Church 150 Great South Road Manurewa

Please wear purple, pink or orange-Aria’s fave colours.  Sorry to the blokes, you are going to have to be creative!

More details to follow.

If you can help with sound, videoing, slide show please contact Tony Bracefield.

Thank you for all the comments and emails and outpouring of love.  We deeply appreciate it.

We are busy packing up in Omaha and preparing to say goodbye to our friends both the hospital and outside.

We are planning to bring Aria back to New Zealand.  Please pray for the logistics of this. We don’t have an idea of flights yet, we obviously want to be on the same flight as her but we are waiting for all the paper work to be started and completed.

Details for a service to celebrate her life will be announced in the next few days once we know when we will be returning home.

Our hearts are so raw and broken, I can’t begin to say.

For a while we have been praying that God would heal Aria or that he take her into  His arms for eternity. This morning God chose to take Aria into His arms. She passed peacefully in our arms, gone to be with the one who shed His blood to save her.

We are at peace with this, her five years of life has been one of hardships, struggles, pain, suffering and sorrow; yet we know that she has gone to a place where she need not be bothered by these things any longer.

Revelations 21:3-5 tell us this;

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

Today Aria escaped the drama of this earthly life where the ravages of sin took their toll on her, and she passed into the place where God is, perfect in every way, free at last.

Death, that enemy of all, has no power over Aria, for she is free of sin by the sacrifice of Christ. She is joined to Him in His victory over death and His resurrection.

We will long for the day when we see her again, perfect as God intended, and not perfectly broken as she was in this life.

In five years, one little girl has touched so many, and changed so many lives, including our own. God had a work for her to complete in this life and now she has completed it, and goes to the place where God will say to her “well done, my good and faithful servant”.

Things are still very fresh and raw for us and we have not begun to plan the days that will follow. Please pray for those plans, for us as a family and for those who wish they could be here for us.

We will let you all know when those plans have been made so you can join us in celebrating Aria’s life and the memory of her passing.