Holding our breath - Aria MacDonald

Holding our breath

So we are ending day two post transplant.  To be honest it seems like it has been a blip on Aria’s social calendar and today she was back in business.  It is truly weird.  She was back to playing, stickering gluing, washing her hands for about an hour, playing with her wiggle baby.  She has roid rage for sure but settled down a bit later in the day.  No nap either except for about 25 mins.

Medically speaking things are going well.  Everything is good, no temps, heart rate good, WBC good too.

Ummmmmm yeah.  This it weird- where are the trips to the OR?  Where is the bleeding?  Where is the drama?  Are they coming?

I went back today are read thru the February 2010 entries.  We were so positive and hopeful and full of excitement.  I want to go back in time and give that Anita a gentle hug and say ‘Honey- it doesn’t happen, she doesn’t get off the vent and there are ten trips to the OR and the organs reject- this IS the worst time in your life’  I wouldn’t be mean to old Anita because I would tell her that she would be ok and her prayers would be answered and sit with her as she cried many tears.

It is like being torn between feeling like a panic attack and feeling like I am about to be punched in the face to being completely fine and chilled.  I was even planning to get my drivers license today, I finished studying yesterday but have a sore throat so stayed home and rested.

You see, we prayed many many times that God would take Aria home to heaven and spare her a 2nd transplant.  What kind of parent prays for her childs death?  The one who knows she would be better off in heaven rather than go thru the hardship of a 2nd multi organ transplant.   In a strange way it is the ultimate love of a parent, always I would rather experience the pain and know Aria is free and healed in heaven.  Still I must fight for her life knowing that only God could provided what she needs, I could not.  And He did because I begged Him to keep her here just as much as I prayed to Him to take her.  God said no to our prayers and yes to our begging so I now fully believe He will save her now and she will live.  And having prayed that prayer I do not fear her death, I have given her to Him fully and completely like I never have before.  Death has lost it’s sting.

It can’t be this easy, there will be a trip(s) to the OR.  There will be infection battles.  There will be drama.  Intestinal feeds won’t start on Monday, 7 days after transplant like they are suppose too.  It is like waiting to be punched in the face, I know it is coming.

Please God, don’t let there be trips to the OR, please kill those bugs, allow peace not drama.  Please let feeds start on Monday.  This is your journey- she is yours.

It is so easy that it is hard.

39 Responses to “Holding our breath”

  1. Deborah says:

    Wow praise the Lord that Aria is doing so well at the moment! Praying that punch in the stomach never comes, that she exceeds all medical expectations and that we see the miracle that is God’s healing hand truly working in her life. Praying for strength and great peace for all of you!

  2. Rebecca Breen says:

    I am so glad she is doing so well. Thank you God.

  3. Lisa says:

    So pleased to hear Aria is doing so well, must be hard to get excited knowing that there could be so many dramas lurking round corners. I too had read over februarys posts and I decided that she had already had enough trips and more to the OR that she got them all over and done with last time! I know it doesn’t really work like that but It would be super great if it did and Aria stayed out of OR and her first feeds all start on Monday! Keep doing what your doing you are all just amazing!!
    GO ARIA
    Lisa xx

  4. Jaclyn Smith says:

    Of all your blogs – todays finally tipped me over the edge and made me cry.

    Your honesty stings and it is your complete and total faith in God that has made the tears fall.

    I can never begin to imagine the journey you have been on and the journey yet to face – but your absolute faith will get you through anything!

    Kia Kaha xxxx

  5. Jaclyn Smith says:

    Just one other thing I wanted to say……

    Those were some of the most powerful words I have ever read – I personally believe that should be used in Churches all around the world to show the faith that human beings can have in God if they are willing to give everything to Him.

    God bless you Anita – I for one have been brought closer to God today because of your words

  6. Ali says:

    I write this with tears in my eyes and with an amazed awe at your strength. Praying and sending love for all of you
    Strength and love
    Ali

  7. joyce says:

    What a heart warming blog this was.To know Aria is doing so well and mom and dad are having a nice break from past days. God will keep you all in his care and it shall be according to HIS plan not ours.Praying for peace to you all and more good days.
    You are both super parents.

  8. Bonnette says:

    Thank you for sharing from your heart; you have testified to the strength God has given & is giving every second of the day & what an encouragement that is to all of us who read your words. Seeing God at work in your lives & Aria’s – it’a such a privilege to witness. Praying & loving you all from afar xx

  9. charleen says:

    wonderful that aria is doing so well.

    thankyou, anita, for your honest post.

    i will keep praying that she continues to do well. yes, so far the journey is different from feburary. i hope that slap in the face never comes. praying that this time will be the uneventful healing, feeds starting on monday, and a happy aria, able to be extubated, and chattering away, bright & bubbly.

    love & prayers from thames.

  10. Lisa says:

    Awesome news, long may it continue and this time round it IS that easy!

  11. Carolyn Robinson says:

    I read this with tears in my eyes. Such a moving post. Thank you Anita for sharing so much of yourself. Praise God Aria is doing so well.

  12. charleen says:

    last time, pre transplant, aria was so ill & weak. god gave her those organs, to keep her with you, until she was stronger. this time, she has been working with the physio, and building up a bit.

    i will continue to believe that THIS is the miracle you & supporters have been praying for.

  13. Sharls (from liver families) says:

    Well this post also tipped me over the edge and there are many tears. I am praying so so hard that you will be blessed with no punches…..just a few light taps on the nose :). Come on Aria, you are an inspiration to all the other children.

  14. Christine MacDonald says:

    what a wonderful post, can’t stop crying, God is amazing, Aria is amazing, You and Ham are amazing and your words are such an encouragement & testimony to all who read. Praying that Aria continues to do well and praying there will be no trips to OR, infections etc. God is good!! Sending love and hugs to you all

  15. Bracefield family says:

    so wonderful to hear how well Aria is doing. Keeping you in our prayers as always

  16. Kathleen and Anita says:

    Aria is often full of surprises! This is another.
    And as always we remember God only wants the very best for Aria. If His best for her is to stay on earth, that is what will happen. If His best for Aria is skipping pain free at His side in heaven, that is what He will do. Isn’t it so enormously comforting to know that HE MAKES NO MISTAKES!

  17. Lori Hollingsworth says:

    Thank you for sharing your precious precious heart with us!!!! I truly have no words…….only prayers that God would continue to fill you and Hamish with PEACE UNEXPLAINABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I love you!

    Jehovah-Rapha………God the HEALER!!

  18. Cordell & Carol says:

    You wrestled so much with God that He took you in His arms, pinned you down, and you gave in to His will for Aria, whatever the outcome. We saw personally what peace came over you as you yielded, let go, and let God have His way. Every day with Aria is truly a blessing. God will see you through the future journey, and we will be praying for continual, consistent recovery. And if there are bumps in the road along the way, may they only be small ones. We know Aria’s strong will to live is fueled by the Holy Spirit within. May your family continue to experience His peace and abundant blessing.

  19. Samantha Sutherland says:

    Well, you are very profound today! I love it. It’s just like being inside your head and listening to you talk to yourself. Can’t get more honest than that! Remember when we said, during the really bad stuff, one day at a time, well it applies to this stuff too. Enjoy and absorb every second of this wonderful amazing time with super strong Aria and if those bumps happen then we’ll take them one day at a time too. I am just so amazed and in awe of Aria and you and Hamish and how this is all going! Take care and lots of hugs xxx

  20. fiona says:

    I guess the only place where we can really experience God’s peace is when we are able to say “your will be done” and really mean it. Congratulations to you – I don’t think most of us really get to that place- and I think it is mostly only by going thru very difficult times that we can get there

  21. Coralie says:

    I am so happy for you all, everytime I get an update it becomes one more step towards recovery. It is all good.

    Thankyou for keeping us informed.

  22. Tiffany Keller says:

    I’m praying that Aria will continue to do well, & that the punch never comes! I pray that you keep your faith strong, as it is right now. Your family has been through so much, & I pray that God gives you His peace through anything that might come your way! God Bless!

  23. Leticia says:

    Thank you for your honest post. I have always wondered if I was the only one who prayed for her child’s death because she knew her child would be whole, complete and at peace with their Maker. I know exactly what you mean and I am glad I am not alone.
    Keeping you in my prayers

  24. Yvonne says:

    Oh, wow, what an awesome & amazing post.
    Tks for sharing your feelings & being so open & honest.
    Our amazing God gave Aria the 1st organs to give her a chance to build up her strength in preparation for this one & took you Anita & Hamish thru the storm of complications to strengthen & prepare you both. All that hard work has paid off & now she is in a much better place general health wise to deal with this, the fragile little body is much stronger to cope with this stage PTL.
    Surely any ‘punches’ will just be a small hiccup this time round.
    Keep it up Aria YOU CAN DO IT. All probability Miss ARIA WILL BE ABLE TO EAT SOME OF HER BIRTHDAY CAKE THIS YEAR….even if just an ice cream cake…oops can you buy those over there??
    May the joys & delights continue.

    Blessings to you all

  25. Erin Alyssa and Sophie says:

    Its wonderful that you have your faith to help you endure the path that was chosen for you, maybe you feel you have had your hopes peak and ebb like a roller coaster so many times that you have not been able to let your guard down and let go to let god completely, I pray for a possitive outcome of Arias complete recovery, God is good, Aria is alive and awoken and played She is alive. thank god let more prayers be answered you are lovely parents,

  26. Uncle B says:

    Sis, you guys are truly blessed. You’re walking hand in hand with God in His Spirit in the most securest and safest place of all time and space. Sounds like Disneyland is on like King Kong….

  27. Grandad David says:

    Oh you dear sweet daughter of mine Anita. “And having prayed that prayer I do not fear her death, I have given her to Him fully and completely like I never have before. Death has lost it’s sting.” Only a beautiful loving parent could prayed that prayer, and then go on to share it. My heart, and my tears are with you. I promise you they are.

  28. Judy Palmer says:

    I am reminded of Abraham willing to sacrifice Isaac to God and then being richly blessed. When you handed Aria over to God, He richly blessed you also. I am sure that she is going to get better and better. I think you and Hamish are wonderful the way you cope with each day and still find time to update this blog so that we all know what to pray for. Will continue praying for you all.
    Judy.

  29. Julie says:

    I am so sorry that finally when things are going well it is just so hard for you to bear. Yet how wonderful that you have come to the place where you have truly given her to the Lord. What a hard place to come to but how blessed you will be for it. God has brought you thus far by His grace and He will continue to do so even if the days ahead turn rocky. Praying you will be able to enjoy these times of peace xx

  30. Viv says:

    I hope you can enjoy the next few days before the feeds start and that the coming days will alllow Aria to gather more strength for the battle ahead. Kia Kaha.

  31. Michelle says:

    Just had to share that in the midst of our crazy hospital dramas I rang the minister of the local Anglican church…why…because I needed someone to talk to and our Pastors are away. He was apparently shocked to get my call so soon after holding his Wednesday service where someone in our community stood up and prayed for Elijah and Aria (as they had read about her in the paper yesterday). Isn’t it wonderful to know that God hears those prayers!!!

  32. Belinda - Liver family says:

    Anita ……I get it!
    ((((HUGS)))) prayers and lots of love. xxxooo

  33. stephanie says:

    Wow… what a journey. Praying!

  34. Lisa Robertson says:

    Praying for many more wonderful days and hoping that ‘punch in the face’ stays away. Beautiful post Anita, you have an amazing gift. And an amazing daughter. Love to you all xx

  35. Aunty Megan says:

    Thanks Anita for sharing so honestly from your heart. Praising God for how amazingly well Aria is doing! Woohoo!! I read in my quite time a few days ago about putting our deepest desires in God’s hands and then praying, “Lord, You choose for me.” What a wonderful example of that prayer you have shared today. You guys are always in our prayers. Love you all. GO ARIA!!!!

  36. Glenys says:

    Thanks for sharing your feelings. See I have told you how strong you are in early replies. I know what you mean I to wanted my child to die if it meant she was at peace, no more pain, no more procedures. Takes a strong Mum one who loves her daughter so much to think like you do. Although it will get hard always remember you have been there for Aria and will continue to give her your everything. All the best.

  37. EVE GILKES says:

    Dear Anita, Hamish, Aria, and Asher,
    There is power in the ‘word’ …… God spoke the ‘word’ and the world came into being …… do not even contemplate the ‘punch on the nose’
    come against it, with all the power of God backing you.
    Doctors do not know the future, nor can they predict it …… only God knows the future and what it holds and I thank God for this.
    It sounds a paradox I know, but you are in a very privileged place, with Aria. I don’t think I would be up to it.
    Sending you my love and prayers …… God bless you.
    Eve.
    P.S. I say amen to all the other comments

  38. Rachel Clement says:

    That is a really really beautiful post Anita. I love the way you are describing where you have come to. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Love to you all. xxxx

  39. Songs says:

    Baller status

    rob
    new hip hop

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“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”- Jeremiah 29:11