Purple and black - Aria MacDonald

Purple and black

Grief is a weird thing.  I really have no idea what is going on.  I just so desperately want to be normal and have a normal life yet I am reminded daily that that really is not a reality.  I really really really can’t believe Aria isn’t here anymore and I really don’t want any part of this grief business.  But again- that is not our reality.

I feel like walking on egg shells.  Little things completely rattle me in unexpected ways.  Someone rushed past me in the shops today and didn’t say excuse me (I need to remember I am not in the US anymore!)  and for some reason I felt really shaken- isn’t that silly??

Most days I feel like I have to put on this brave face and be happy.  I don’t want to talk about Aria’s passing all the time with people but it does hurt when people don’t ask how we are doing.  And I don’t want to stop talking about Aria either.

I see things right now as a big ball of messy purple and black yarn.  A big mess that is going to take me years to unravel.  Separating beautiful purple yarn of Aria’s memory and the wonderful girl she was from the ugly black memories of dark hospital days and her death.  Her journey was so full of pain and right now the memories are so bad.  Which is so unfair to her because she was such a shining light thru the whole thing and I don’t regret a second of it.  To know her life was to know the strength of her character and how amazing she was.  God gave her a unique personality to cope with her struggle.

Thank you again for your love and support.  We really appreciate it.

 

 

 

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72 Responses to “Purple and black”

  1. Tiffany Keller says:

    I wish I could be there to give you a hug or two! People know that you are grieving, so you don’t need to put on a brave face. It’s okay to cry. You have many people praying for you, including me. May God continue to comfort you, and may God Bless you!

  2. Christine says:

    Anita, I’m so glad you have kept Aria’s blog going. I never met your beautiful Aria, or indeed any of the MacDonalds, but following your lives online means you all hold a special place in my heart. I am still shocked, as you and you family probably are, every day that Aria’s no longer here. I think the biggest jolt for me would be if you stopped writing the blog. Hope that doesn’t sound selfish! It’s great that you have a place to write about how you’re feeling and I hope it’s helping to relieve at least a small part of your sadness. I have experienced grief but I have no concept of what you’re going through. And I realise that, though I have followed your blog, I don’t REALLY know what Aria’s life or yours is and was like. However, looking at the photos and remembering the tales about Aria’s milestones and happy days always brings a smile to my face. I hope the purple yarn takes over the black yarn very soon. Best wishes to all of you. xoxoxo

  3. Laura says:

    Like Samantha, when you are ready, I will be here. I care what you are going through, what Asher is going through. Your pain hurts to read about and know, but I really care how you are doing. Praying for you, as the knots unravel, and one by one, little by little a piece of yarn untangles into a remembered look, or laugh or funny face. Give yourselves permission to still be in shock, and know it is going to take time…lots of time. Love you.

  4. Pui Kei says:

    I work at Biomed casually and have always had a keen interest in Aria and the other young home patients who receive our TPNs. I feel so connected to your family and i’m so sorry to hear of her passing. Wishing you all the best x

  5. Elaine says:

    hello friend!
    i’m so sorry to watch you go through this process, but you know ….it IS normal what is happening. just press into Christ during these long days. It WILL get better …..in Him. we love and miss you all.

  6. Samantha Seccombe says:

    We have kept on praying for you both and little Asher in your grief daily. We were so thankful to be in NZ to be able to be at her celebration service with you. We remember you before the Lord who is faithful and loving and will carry you through this season of great sadness as he did through the last season of intense trial. May you know his closeness and loving care for you each day. Remember the great hope you have in the resurrection when all things will be put right and restored. When we shall have new bodies and when Christ promises to wipe every tear from our eyes and remove the great sadness in our hearts. I’m holding on to these promises which are certain and true and a reality. May God himself comfort you both. With our warmest love. Martin and Sam and children.

  7. Lyaine says:

    Just letting you know that I often thnk about you all and stop and pray, and will continue to do so.

  8. susan says:

    Please don’t feel silly for feeling shaken. You are incredibly brave sharing your feelings on the internet. Praying for you all.

  9. Nicole says:

    There is not limited time on the length of time it takes to grieve. You’ll get through it in your own time, try not to stress over it, as hard as it may be.

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“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”- Jeremiah 29:11