Unpacking - Aria MacDonald


Today and tomorrow is moving day at our new place.  It was delayed a week while painting and maintenance was completed.

We started shifting boxes yesterday from our friends garage.  They kindly stored them for us for nearly two years, thanks friends.

Hamish did two runs in the car and Asher and I were at the house opening them up.

Asher was well pleased.  All these toys that he didn’t remember, it was like Christmas.

I got a few comments last week that I might find the process of opening boxes exciting, like Christmas.  I hoped it would be the case but in my heart I doubted it.

I stood in the kitchen yesterday overwhelmed with all our stuff, musty linen, dusty plates, the odd spider.  My heart overwhelmed with our life represented by stuff.  A life that Aria was very much a part of and now she isn’t.  I wanted to throw it all out and start again.  But I can’t, we must press on.

We packed up all this stuff (well Hamish’s mum did really) with such hope and expectation.  That we were leaving for Omaha seeking life for Aria.  We now return to NZ without her.  Our mission failed and we return with nothing, just broken hearts and a huge gaping void in our life.  How do we go on without our girl?

So Asher and I are at the beach today and Hamish continues the work, thankfully he finds the memories helpful.

28 Responses to “Unpacking”

  1. Lisa Robertson says:

    I can imagine it is such a difficult task – for all the reasons you gave – and so much more that most of us could never begin to comprehend.
    Sending you so much love – keep you all in my thoughts. Have a happy day at the beach with Asher xxx

  2. Glenys Hopkins says:

    Hi Anita, Don’t look at it as a failure,look at it as the love you all shared through the good and the hard times isn’t failure it it precious and for you all to come out as a family after all you have been through is indeed a miracle. You gave everything you had to Aria be proud!!!

    Take care enjoy your new home

  3. Jen Rath says:

    I imagine this was such a hard, hard task. It takes so long for the pain to start to deminish and the happy memories to take over. My dad died when I was 9. I remember crying for months every time I set the table. I used to set the table for 4 and now I had to set it for 3… and it hurt so much every time day after day. Those simple reminders are unavoidable going through each day. Think of you all often.

  4. Shirley Davy says:

    Much love my friend – thinking of you. X

  5. Brenda says:

    That pain will return like the tide waves.. and I am sorry that its high tide againfor you. I agree with your other friends we shall never comprehend your pain and agony at times like this. You focussed and fought so hard, and she gave you so much in her short life. I hope that the new house will slowly bring you peaceful memories of her, and with Asher starting his big life in his home

  6. Carolyn says:

    Oh hunny. Sending the hugest hugs to you. Wish I was doing it in person.
    I know that what you are going through is the most devastating thing to ever experience, and I just want to reassure you that it does get easier, just a tiny tiny tiny bit each day. You never ever get over your child’s death and the hopes you held for their future, but it does become a little easier to live with as time goes on. If you guys ever want a break in Christchurch (country block in Darfield) just let me know and there’s always a bed here for you all

  7. iliganoa says:

    AWWWWWWWWWW go on cry it out to the Lord who so understands. Aria is with Jesus and if Jesus says he will never leave us then Aria must be near us all of the time amen!!!God bless you Anita, Ashe and Hamish and all of brothers and sisters who are so broken hearted over this special princess. May God heal your hearts and mine God bless you all abundantly amen, amen, amen! hugs and kisses!!!

  8. Delwyn Cockrell says:

    We could lend you our van after 6pm tonight and or Saturday afternoon if it would help. You can fit an amazing amount of stuff in it at one time. Just let me know. I and maybe others could possibly help also on Saturday afternoon. Again just let me know. Sorry to hear about the feelings the unpacking is causing. Sadly the memories will do that. Praying for you all at this time.

  9. fiona says:

    Sending you love and hugs. Cannot get my head or heart around the pain you must be in. I hope you can take a little comfort in knowing how wonderful Aria’s life is. And how much she will forever treasure the love and care you gave her while she was in your care.

  10. Cousins Kathleen & Anita says:

    Looking forward to visiting you in your new home.

  11. Vikki Bland says:

    Dearest Anita, I think of you SO much, every day. What a painful time for you all, and so much heartache. Unpacking a former life, one that contained Aria…I can see in my head how hard that would be, but cannot relate in my heart as others who have suffered such a huge loss might be able to. But I do so hurt for your hurt Anita. You are so brave and so special. And as others have said here, your mission to the US was not a failure – it was a courageous, faithful journey that you both felt right about taking. And you WERE right to take it. Perhaps we will never understand the ‘whys’ and ‘why nots’ of it all, but I feel so profoundly in my heart that the journey you took was the best one to take in the circumstances. Sending you all my love – may you have strength and peace for the days and years ahead. With love always, Vikki XXX

  12. Tiffany Keller says:

    I hope you will enjoy your new home. Don’t say that you failed, because you didn’t. True it didn’t turn out the way you had hoped, but Aria got an extra year of life. Consider that a success. Of course nothing will be the same without Aria, but she will always be a part of you. You are always in my thoughts and prayers! God Bless!

  13. Jan P. says:

    Yes I know how you feel, have a similar thing except I just walked out of my home for 9 months while I helped our son battle to live which was in vain. But as a family we would not have done it any other way and you guys are the same you have such a lot to be proud of. You did the very best for Aria and gave it your best shot. Can’t ask for more and what a lot you got from Aria through her enormous battle…This is all part of the healing for you all my thoughts and love and with you. Hope the shift goes well for you.

  14. Nola Young says:

    Anita, the out come of your mission was not what we all hoped but isn’t that so often what happens – God’s ways are not our ways. So much has been accomplished that only time will reveal. Yes, we weep with you and hear your pain and long to comfort. We wish it had been different but God isn’t finished with you yet. So thankful for Hamish – his different gifts and abilities and ways of coping. What a partner you have in him. Remember too that in the midst of all of this there is power in the sacrifice of praise. Challenge yourself to begin the day giving God thanks for 5 blessings – no matter how small. In my darkest hours I have found this discipline to be transformational! Thank you for the special time we shared on Tuesday. Love you.

  15. lisa says:

    Dear Anita, thank you for sharing your pain. I feel honoured to still be a part of your journey. Your blogs are still so very special. If I could take some of your suffering and pain on my shoulders and unburden you, I would. I pray for you and your family and think of you every day. I think of your special girl Aria and all that she taught me in her short life, even as a total stranger. I will never forget her. I cannot imagine how hard each day must be for you. Please know that you are so loved. Take care. Big hugs!!
    Love Lisa xxx

  16. Judy Palmer says:

    I too are thinking of you and praying that the hurt eases a little every day.I read a book this week that might help you (it helped me a lot). It is called
    ‘Heaven Is For Real’ and is written by Todd Burpo, with Lynn Vincent. I read it in Brisbane and I haven’t had time to locate a copy in Christchurch as yet but it is well worth finding a copy. God bless you all, Judy.

  17. Fiona McNair says:

    Really hard time for you all, but Aria’s little soul/spirit is still there and always will be, you all did a wonderful job, everything possible for this wee girl, she was freed from her hurt and pain and is at peace. Go well and be very gentle on your selves ok?

  18. laura says:

    Oh, Anita, your journey to find life for Aria wasn’t a failure. She’s found eternal life in the arms of the Saviour who loves little children. May He also wrap His arms of love and comfort around you & Hamish & Asher. Love & more love & even more is sent your way.

  19. Belinda (LF-Aus) says:

    Awwwwwwwwwww Anita ((((HUGS)))), Your mission was NOT a falure, your mission would have been a falure if you had never tried in the first place! xxx
    Judy Plamer i’m not sure if you read other people’s posts but I live in Brisbane and I would be only too happy to get this for you and send it to Anita if you would like that Anita? Just let me know ok 🙂 I have friended you on FB Anita. My name is Belinda Madden on there and you could just PM me 🙂

  20. Joyce says:

    Just know you will always remain in my prayers. Your
    journey with Aria in the USA touched so many. There was no failure since you followed God’s will. It did not have the ending we hoped for but it accomplished God’s plan.Never regret what you did. No one will ever know the lives that were touched and the heartache you lived but I pray you get some peace as time goes by. Your family is so special

  21. jen says:

    massive hugs go out to you guys

    nice for Asher though

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“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”- Jeremiah 29:11