Aria’s blog
(A few people have asked for our address. We are currently without fixed address but anything you might want to send us can be sent to:
Hamish and Anita MacDonald
c/o 15b Laurie Avenue
Papakura
Auckland
2110
Hi everyone.
Not entirely sure what to say except we are undecided about what to do with this blog. Â Right now we are going to keep it going and perhaps share the mysterious and difficult grieving process.
Hamish and I arrived back to NZ and were excited to connect with friends and get back into life. Â Well actually I was excited and a few people said ‘aren’t you going to take a break?’ To which I said ‘Nah I am fine- lets get on with it’ Â Unfortunately that all can crashing down last week most unexpectedly and I am now typing this blog post from the beautiful and completely amazing Red Beach. Â The KIDS foundation, who have supported us so generously, have a holiday home there and so here we are.
So to all the people who we had to cancel with last week and to all the people ready and waiting to meet up with us- Thank you! Â But we just need more time. Â We were so happy to see lots of people at Aria’s funeral from all realms of life, new friends, old friends, work friends, school friends. Â We want to see you and we need to see you but we just need more time.
Life is suddenly strange and emotional. Â We spent 5 years carefully managing our emotions and making sensible decisions. Â Now I can’t even decide what to have for dinner. Â Much less decide what to do with our house in Manurewa or how to manage this new life.
We are grieving for our daughter whom we miss desperately. Â We are grieving for our friends in Omaha who we miss. Â We are grieving the loss of relationship from the medical staff whom we grew to love and trust (both countries have been hugely supportive but we know things are different now and what does that mean?) Â We are experiencing culture shock. Â We are establishing new bonds with family and friends or at least trying too.
We haven’t lost faith in God but it is taking a huge beating. Â We are learning to view God for who HE is not thru the eyes of parents whose child is now heaven side. Â He will overcome, not worry.
Aria was an amazing girl. Â Trying to unravel her from this journey has been difficult. Â I don’t feel like we have done a great job at that. Â But we will think of ways to communicate and pay tribute to her fight in time. Â There is more to come.
I said this at the funeral and I will say it again- please reach out to us. Â Please don’t just read this and forget about us or Aria. Â Some will I guess and that it part of putting your life on the internet for all to read, it is easy to read this and forget we are real people. Â But most won’t and for everything past and present, thank you.
90 Responses to “Aria’s blog”
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# 10 Jul at 4:25 am
Anita Hamish and little Asher, I will never forget sweet Aria and her beautiful smile. xxx
I have been checking your blog daily and I am so happy that you are going to keep writing in it Anita. I have a liver kid and I have drawn so much strength from you Anita, EVERY day with him is a good day 🙂
Aria will NEVER be forgotten by many many people as she touched many many hearts. Thank you so much for sharing her with us. xxx
# 10 Jul at 6:00 am
Isn’t if funny, that we don’t even know each other and I feel like i do know yous! Everyday I would check in on “my lil Aria” see how she was going. You wrote so beautifully so I felt such a part of her life. When she died, I think I was even more upset than the passing of a very dear friend, I guess it was her being young and the battles she fought!! How could I forget Aria and her beautiful whanau, I too have drawn strength from your journey and happy to see you writing in. Always in my prayers Anita, Hamish and Asher xx
# 10 Jul at 6:05 am
Hi Guys,
you dont know me either but i guess you get that a lot. i do however remember meeting Aria when Josie brought her to play group & remember falling in love with her immeadiately. I was very blessed to be able to come to her funeral & thank you for allowing many of us untouched people to be able to celebrate her life with you all.
From what i know & have read & seen she had an amazing faith that i know will live through you all. I can only begin to imagine what it is like to loose one of your wee babes but i do know about God & how he always pulls through for us.
I can imagine how hard it is to write on here now but do appreciate that you allow us to help you through the grieving process & know from personal experiences that writing can help with that as well as anything else.
I hope that we can be here for you just as you were for Aria & that you allow us to continue to share with you & support you just as you helped her through her pain.
Take care & dont forget that there are many people who love you & care about you all very much.
# 10 Jul at 6:29 am
Don’t push yourselves to “get back to normal”. It won’t ever be nornaml, but will be livable again. Just hang in there, take each day as it comes and let God do the healing. We will still be praying for you.
Granny Wanda in Arkansas
# 10 Jul at 8:58 am
Aria has touched my life deeply. Although I never got to meet her on earth, your little girl has made me appreciate life and good health more than ever before. She has helped me to have more patience with my little grandchildren and to hold them close, realizing that we never know what the next day may bring. Life is such a precious gift from God, and because of what Jesus did for us, we get to live eternally with Him. One day you will be in heaven with Aria and Jesus, living joyfully forever and ever. That I know and believe. Lifting you up to Him until that time, Sherry Boyle
# 10 Jul at 11:10 am
Dear Anita, Hamish and Asher,
Can never thank you enough for sharing your journey with Aria’s life, with us. I shall never fully understand what you have been through, as I have never been there, and pray to God that I won’t. You were blessed with Aria, what an amazing beautiful girl. I can’t begin to imagine what you are going through now and will for some time to come, BUT WHAT I CAN DO, IS CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR YOU, thank God. I place you fairly and squarely in God’s hands because there is no better place to be. How is Asher?
Thank you, that you are continuing with this page, we need to come down, like you, from the roller coaster ride that you have been on for so long with Aria.
I have never met you, most likely never will this side of heaven, but I love you, and send all good wishes and prayers for your return to full ‘health’.
God bless you
Eve
# 10 Jul at 11:35 am
Oh Anita,
I read this with tears streaming down my face. We will most definately keep praying for you guys. I’ve never lost a child before, just a parent and inlaws, I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. I told Bridgette it was the strangest thing–I’ve never even met you personally and yet you and your family seem like such a part of mine! Strange how the internet works–draws people together who may never meet this side of heaven. But it’s a wonderful thing to be able to share your thoughts and feelings–the good, the bad, the ugly, the not knowing–and know there are hundreds and maybe even thousands who read this and are praying for you. We will look for ways to honor Aria and her memory. She was a very special little girl who touched SO many lives. Just hang in there–I think time will make it a little easier–just take it slow and keep your eyes on God. I remember when my dad died I just wanted to go somewhere and scream–until I was hoarse–such a helpless feeling, but thank God I had friends and family praying for me. It does help. I can’t imagine what people do who have no faith–crazy!
Much love coming your way! Prayers too!
Tina 🙂
# 10 Jul at 12:27 pm
Will surely be praying for you all as you grieve. The Lord is faithful and He really will carry you through all of this in His perfect timing and way. I miss Aria too and have a hole in my heart for her. Showers of the Lord’s greatest blessings to each of you. Peace and grace…
In His mighty love,
Carolyn O’Cain
# 10 Jul at 1:58 pm
I think your thought “not sure what to do with this blog” has been answered. It is a 21st century way of keeping in touch emotionally and spiritually with many,many people.
Rest, relax and give yourselves time.
Sometimes grieving people feel guilty when they laugh or feel happy. (As if it wasn’t proper. )That is a lie. Just think how deriously happy Aria is now. She would be sad and surprised to think you were unsure of her total well being.Believe me if we could ask her to choose, she wouldn’t want to come back to earth. Hard to accept but
# 10 Jul at 2:02 pm
Dear MacDonald Family,
I am so sorry for your loss, first of all! I have been following your blog for awhile now, and my heart aches for you all! When I heard of Sweet Aria’s passing I wept. Wept for the unfairness of it… wept for you all.. and wept for all those parents who will deal or have dealt with this pain. Know that you are not forgotten, but remembered always! Much love and many prayers from Florida.
My blog is private but if you’d like to read it email me at 1joy4you@gmail.com and I’ll send you invite. I’m a 19 year old girl, who loves these little ones… loves life… and most of all Loves God!
# 10 Jul at 2:03 pm
Ouch! That is really hard to accept but helps to put things in perspective. You can enjoy things. Aria already is enjoying more than we can imagine!
# 10 Jul at 2:28 pm
I will never forget. Continuing to pray for your healing, strength, and rest. I picture her sitting in Jesus’s lap and they are looking at a book together.
# 10 Jul at 3:13 pm
Great to hear from you. I so feel your pain. Grief is like a wave and comes from behind to flatten you. But it is a bit like walking you get up and keep going, but I believe that it is all part of the healing process. You are doing all the right things love you all take care and be kind to yourself. Look forward to meeting with you sometime.
# 10 Jul at 3:31 pm
When I think of you at Red Beach, I think of Jacobs Ladder that is a 2 min walk from the KIDS foundation bach….. stairs that lead to the rocky cliff face….and I think of the Jacob struggling in the bible, wrestling with God, unsure but wanting God to touch him…..as you wrestle with God you can be sure He will meet you, in the unexpected, through strangers, through tears, through kindness, through laughter, through Asher, through uncertainty. He will ….. and we are here for you as you walk in the unknown, again…. allow yourself rest and time and we are going nowhere my friend. Love you. X
# 10 Jul at 3:35 pm
I think about aria and you guys everyday. I can only imagine how you must feel and it is heartwrenchingly painful. I have been following your blog for two years now, since my own little boy was born with severe hirschsprungs.he is currently waiting on an isolated bowel transplant. I would love to chat with you guys when you are feeling more up to it.
I admire how you have dealt with all that has come your way. Your faith i find truly amazing and inspiring as i know all too well how easy it is to doubt Him when you have lived with so much suffering.
I would also like to thank you for sharing your daughters journey with me, i prayed and still pray so very hard for u all. I hope you will find peace in your hearts. God bless you all.xxx
# 10 Jul at 5:00 pm
Send you hugs and prayers for this readjustment time in your lives love sharon
# 10 Jul at 6:42 pm
Hi Anita & Hamish
Just wanted to let you know that I will never forget you or aria. Even though I never met aria or yourselves I have read all blog entries for a long long time. They have made me cry and smile but most of all have made me appreciate what I have and that god is with us through hard times he never forsakes us (which on some occasion I thought he had)… thank you thank you for sharing your life with me. Aria was amazing!!! & my family and I will never forget and will continue to read your blog for as long as you write on it. All my love xxoo
# 10 Jul at 7:35 pm
I cant say enough at what courageous parents you both were.You both did the very best you could hve done ,never doubt that.Am glad you all have had a chance to chill as it was full on when you got back.Glad your keeping this site open as there will be many people grieving with you and need this open for as long as you feel it needs to be open.Mum
# 10 Jul at 8:31 pm
You guys are wonderful. You have done and are doing wonderfully. One step at a time. Standing still is fine too 🙂 Enjoy your week as much as you can. thinking of you lots and praying for you.
# 10 Jul at 8:39 pm
My husband and I are still praying for your family. You will not be forgotten. I have learned so much from your blog. You have encouraged me and challenged me. I will forever hold your dear Aria in my heart and look forward to meeting her in heaven. I hope you do continue some blog. You have an amazing story to tell! God bless!!
# 10 Jul at 10:38 pm
HI Anita and Hamish – you are so not forgotten – you are Aria’s mum and dad!! you are a big part of this story – this journey that I have been privileged to be touched and challenged by – I have been hoping you would come back online, and if you felt it appropriate, and you felt able, to carry on your voice and your story because it is REAL, it is a journey, and you teach us so much, and we can offer you virtual support and prayer – it is not over because Aria is not present – I am intensely interested in all things digital, and I have found myself analyzing the impact your virtual thread has had over the last 18 months since I heard about Aria and your story. I think in your rebuild of a different life, letting this blog evolve as your family does, will be amazing. Media feeds a point of view when it covers stories, and then media disappear when the emotive or sensational elements decline ( in their eyes) – whereas, you guys are the authors of your story – no-one edits your words or your point of view here on a blog – it is precious and important – Your world is such a bigger place through Aria, as you said, your connections to all kinds of place and people, while confusing now, is a way forward to your future also. God walks this with you, nothing is wasted, He is there.
Keep writing when you feel like it!!!!
and thank you……
# 10 Jul at 10:42 pm
enjoy Red Beach.
one day at a time my dear friends
I will never forgot about you all
thinking about you all lots
x0x0x
# 10 Jul at 11:25 pm
Dear Ones, Judging by the number of replies to your blog,and knowing how I feel about your precious family and how connected I feel; I sincerely doubt that many of us will forget You and our special Miss Aria.
You will find that Father God can take the storming rage of raw grief, the wordless sobbing, the confusion and questions, and He loves you through it. Jesus is holding you before the Father right now interceding for you.
I also know how hard it is to hear this sometimes. So…
Loving and praying for you, caring for you, take all the time you need. Please just ask for what you need.. time, space, a visit, a big hug, etc. We love you guys so much.
# 11 Jul at 2:22 am
I still pray for you every day, that God will guide you through this very difficult time.It is only 41/2 months since my husband died so I can sort of relate to what you are going through. You were so full on with Aria’s care for 5 years that it must be very strange to try and live a normal life. God bless the three of you, Judy.
# 11 Jul at 3:56 am
I have never met you but have followed your journey since Aria’s story was aired on ‘Attitude’. I have rejoiced when things went right and cried along with you when things did not go as hoped.
God Bless you as you begin this new phase of your lives. Thinking and praying for you each – Anita, Hamish and Asher. Much love xx
# 11 Jul at 5:14 am
Oh what a relief to hear from you guys again! Have been praying for you and thinking of you. Your grief is a very personal journey – take all the time you need.
I wanted to meet you in person but I had to go back to work just before the service finished. I left an envelope with three windmills. Hope you got it.
It is impossible to just suddenly stop caring about you guys. You have been a part of my prayers for so long.
You are right when you say you are grieving so many different things. So many huge changes all at once. I bet you are totally exhausted! Listen to your bodies. Sleep, cry, walk, stare at tv, talk, hide, try to relax – whatever you need right now.
Love Jo
# 11 Jul at 6:52 am
Dear ones, I hold you all in my heart. I pray for you often and think of you often. May God heal your broken hearts. May He hold you close to His heart. We love you and are thankful to be on this journey with you, wherever it continues to lead. May you have rest these weeks.
Taryn
# 11 Jul at 2:17 pm
We have never met but be assured you are as much in our prayers and thoughts now as before. Aria’s blog is a place we will continue to visit each day and we pray for you as you take one step, one hour, one day at a time. Love and prayers.
# 11 Jul at 4:41 pm
I will always be checking in and one day I hope to meet you all in person and give you all a huge hug.Im pleased to hear you are taking time out for you all.Take care sending loads of strength.God will keep you safe trust in him
Much love xxx
# 11 Jul at 7:52 pm
I have never met you but i am friends with Jodee Reid and Jodee mentions Aria and her family on Matisses Caringbridge page so i have been following your journey. Words can not express how sorry i am for your loss and my thoughts are with you as you rebuild your life. You are an inspiration and amazing parents, and i hope you keep this blog going so people you do know and people you don’t such as myself can support you while you heal.
Much Love from Napier x
# 11 Jul at 8:25 pm
Hamish and Anita,
The KIDS foundation has the experience to know that a happy ending is not always possible in the world we live in. Red Beach is there for you because God knows you cannot just step out of 5 years of parenting without also allowing yourselves to mourn this loss and then, slowly, your future life together with Asher will be revealed. This is not a light-switch event, as you now understand. Aria was a beautiful child whom you loved through the joys, the challenges, and the struggles, fighting sickness throughout her life. It was a valiant fight, and Aria was the heavy weight champion through round after round. We were so proud and really just in awe of her spirit and strength. You know so well that God revealed his perfect time for her to join Him in heaven. The MacDonald family has been a blessing and continues to be; we cherish the times that we have had together. You can trust that you will never be forgotten and always loved. So, you are right to take the time you need to pour out your grief to God and let Him work through those He sends in your path. We love you and wish we could be there. Just know that we do care. We continue to pray for your family. Thanks for the privilege of knowing you. CWB
# 12 Jul at 7:00 pm
Anita,
Thank you and Hamish so much for putting your heart and feelings out there. Iam so sorry that we didnt get to spend more time together. I want you to know that Aria touched our lives along with the two of you so deeply. To hear and see your courage and hers was awesome to see. You are truly heros in my eyes. We are honored to have known you even for awhile. God has used you all to inspire people to never give up and always fight. Glad you are taking the time to yourselves. We will always remember Aria and never for get any of you. Again thank you for being so honest and open. You are awesome people and have amaizing hearts!!
# 12 Jul at 7:32 pm
We haven’t forgotten you here in the south. Even Corin who is 3 will sometimes randomly come out with “Aria is in heaven with God”. It is a comforting thought in some ways but still hard to get used to the idea even for us. We can’t imagine your grief. Talk about words failing!! I don’t even know what to say except you are still in our prayers.
# 13 Jul at 5:50 pm
Thinking of you all. (((MacDonald family))) xox.
# 13 Jul at 9:50 pm
Your news made my ball my eyes out at work. I am so sorry for your loss and so humbled by your inner strength. I do not know how I would be, as a person, if anything were to happen to my child. Thank you for sharing yourself, your feelings, your thoughts – and they do make sense, even the bits that don’t. I wish there was more I could say. God sped Aria.
Jacquie & Lauren
# 14 Jul at 9:51 am
Don’t know what to say, but wanted you to know that we are still thinking of you and care for you. I hope and pray.
# 14 Jul at 12:13 pm
Ooooo I have been waiting for this blog and I really do hope that you all decide to keep it up. In memory of Aria and just so we know how you all are doing. How is Asher holding up? I know you have talked about how you all have been feeling, but, is he doing alright? Been thinking a lot about you guys and you’ll never be far from my heart, either. <3 Just wanted to let you know.
# 14 Jul at 1:56 pm
Grieve, Anita, pour out your heart in grief for your lovely child, and God will help you heal…I recently lost my mother, and I went through soul-shattering grief, but in comparison your grief must be a thousandfold…Remember the lovely times with Aria, that will bring so much comfort…you and Hamish did the very best for her, be assured of that, no parents could have humanly done more…
I have set lovely Aria’s picture as my desktop background, and everytime my computer goes into screensaving mode, I have 30 pics of Aria with her little mischievous smile and her bright eyes, telling me to be happy…just as she seemed to be in that picture.
# 15 Jul at 5:52 pm
“one day at a time, sweet jesus, that’s all i’m asking of you. just give me the strength, to do every day, what i have to do.”
take this time you have at red beach to rest & heal a little. nobody expects you to be able to pick up the pieces, and carry on immediately. there is so much to get used to, being back in NZ, recconecting with family, and of course, the biggie, not having aria, a precious little angel, who is still a part of your family. she is not lost to you, she has merely travelled on before you.
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