2011 October - Aria MacDonald

Psalm 30:11-12

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
¹² that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
LORD my God, I will praise you forever.

I remember reading the bible when I was a kid and learning about people in biblical times sitting around dressed in sackcloth and putting ashes on their heads.  As a kid I thought this was weird but I kinda get it now.

Actually I quite like the idea, it is such an obvious sign of mourning.  In biblical times your mates would come over and mourn with you.  You would mourn together and be comforted.

I often think that I feel like a big chunk of us is missing.  Again I wish I was missing an arm or a leg.  Such an obvious sign something is wrong.  People can see it and there is no escaping it.

Perhaps now I feel like the hardest part of the mourning process is about to start.  People start to forget.  You appear normal.  I manage to get thru the day without crying.  Just.  At least not in public anyway.  People forget and we try to believe we are somehow normal.

Thankfully though perhaps there are a few people that have forgotten or aren’t sure what to say I am reminded by the messages that arrive in my inbox saying ‘I think of you lots’  or the meals that still keep coming to our house twice a week!   Those are VERY gratefully received.

Truth be told though there are many unanswered emails in my inbox.  I am sorry if you are one of those!  I  will get to you!  It just takes creative and emotional energy and it is in short supply.

Honestly I think we are making progress and then I think we are not.

We miss Aria so desperately.  It is real and sharp and there is no escaping it.  Will that verse I posted ever be true?  Right now I just can’t believe God can turn our mourning into dancing, at least not in this life?  Will we feel broken forever?

Soon we are going to have to decide what to do with this website.  I think we are going to finish up soon and start a new project.  Will keep you posted.